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September 4, 2004

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Dale, who writes the comics.

sifting sands/
incredible demands/

Good morning readers,

Having studied code breaking in my youth, and being fond of mathematics, I have decoded the alien message labeled SHGb02+14a, and have decided to post it here on Lesson first!

Dearest Dale and David,

We have been monitoring your communications for some time. Plastic is like gold to us. And though we have been unable to replicate it in laboratory conditions, we have found that your planet holds a rich natural supply! It is for this reason that we must burn it in to a smoking glass marble after stripping it of its treasure! We will be taking 100 of your earth women to dance for us in our Sexy Royal Alien Ballet after we have our disgusting alien way with them, and you two, to make for us your Sexy Royal Alien Webcomics, after we have our sexy alien way with you.

After this very recent display on your part of partisan whining, I'm sure you won't object! Also the techniques we employ will be---

[the rest is personal]

Your fearsome alien friend,

Meowmix Xyrlzx


If we were to stay on your planet where the air you breathe is like poison to us, could it ever work? I am searching your translucent insect-like eyes for an answer.

There will be no compromises!

I am afraid but curious!

Your trembling note,


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David, who draws the comics.

As Soon As This Is Done, I Transform!

In heaven, people read magazines and call back friends who left messages on their cell phones. They love pumpkin flavor and hate when clothes are overpriced. People in heaven look like you and me, but they are crying inside.

Love, David

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(c) David Hellman and Dale Beran 2005